Tuesday, April 28, 2009
You all know where it is in Dar. Hunters Night Club at Kino Tx market.
Monday, April 27, 2009
sorry for Jesus had he decided to live a normal life
and got married, had kids, and the like.
I can just see his wife saying….
What do you mean you were wandering in the desert
for forty days? Don't give me that fake story about
not eating or drinking for forty days and being
tempted by Satan. I think you must be having an
affair but you are too dumb to come up with a
convincing lie. You mean that other woman was not
cooking for you?
The other day I heard that you asked a certain
Sumerian woman for water. Does it mean that our tap
has run dry for you to go begging for water? I
figure out that you were not actually after any
water… you had your own designs. Why ask her about
And what about that woman who touched you (your
shirt) and felt well. Hee! She felt good! Where did
she feel good?! Answer me! Where?! How? I also need
to feel good….! I swear if I catch you cheating I'm
leaving and I'm taking the kids with me. Then
eventually you will have to face my father and the
whole cabinet of our clan.
I wish you would just settle down and get a career
instead of just hanging out with your band of twelve
losers. You used to be a great carpenter. What
happened to that? At least you used to be able to
put food on the table when you had a job. You need
to grow up and take responsibility for your family.
You have been bragging around that you fed some
five thousand people with only some few loaves of
bread and two pieces of fish when your family here
is suffering from malnutrition. Eti "Magic"!? What
magic? Can't you perform that magic in our
matrimonial home and give us food enough to eat for
a lifetime? Give us a good house, and ornaments;
give us riches. Not going around and feeding other
people with borrowed or begged food.
I think that you have been taking me all along for
a ride. I don't need a hippie for a husband! You
spend all day with those twelve guys and sometimes
you are gone for weeks on end. You don't spend
enough time with me neither with the kids. I need to
feel loved. Where did the romance go? Sometimes I
think you put your God and disciples before me. I
need to feel like I am number one in your life.
And by the way, I don't like how one of your
buddies look at me. It's your boy Judas. He keeps
coming around for apparently no reason. He kept
popping in every few days when you were gone for
those forty days. He gives me the creeps. You need
to check on the homies you move around with....
Friday, April 24, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
ALLIANCE FRANCAISE and THE FRENCH EMBASSY PRESENT GANGBE BRASS BAND (from BENIN REPUBLIC) in concert in Dar es Salaam:
World Music / GANGBE BRASS BAND / from Benin Republic (West Africa). The Band is on tour in the French Cultural network of Alliances Françaises in Africa. A fantastic West African brass band turned jazzy to make everybody dance. This renownedAfrican Brass Band is on an international tour of Alliance Françaises in East Africa.
Onstage, an amazing fusion between jazz and traditional rhythms of Benin is displayed by the 8musicians, using brass instruments, traditional percussions and vibrant vocals.
“To be an artist is to assume a role”, says Gangbe, and this new album takes us back to human beings and their misfortunes, albeit with a complete absence of pessimism. It’s an album that refuses to keep talking about Africa in terms of misery, manipulation or disease. Each song implores us to see the world as an enormous playing field for cultural exchange and encounter. It was by travelling to the United States, especially to New Orleans, but also and perhaps foremost to Haiti, that the band touched upon the same culture as theirs: “just like home”. In what is the incredible result of slavery, many hours away by plane, one finds the same spirits as those worshipped at home and, what’s more, the same music.
Above all, one finds the same attitude to life, the same way of looking at the forces that drive it. So this “Door of No Return” is one that was taken by those who set out to far away places, never to return. But their breath has returned; their spirit has travelled acrossthe world, carried by new musical traditions: jazz, soul, blues, swing, funk . . . and the link with Africa as the point of departure was woven regardless of frontiers. A link that should be optimized because all these new musical forms of the twentieth century are in some way a gift from Africa to humanity.
The highly rated artistic and cultural values of the presentation make it most suitable for University students. To offer UDSM Department of Fine and Performing Arts students and Tanzanian musicians a unique opportunity to interact with their West African counterparts, a 3 hour workshop will be organized by Alliance Française at the Music Department, UDSM gathering students for a percussion and brass instruments practice session and cultural exchanges.
TWETU LOBO, a Tanzanian band will appear as opening act for the Gangbe Brass Band.
Venue: Nkrumah Hall, UDSM.
Date: Saturday 18th April 2009.
Time: 7pm – 10pm
Opening act : TWETU LOBO, from Tanzania
Also in Arusha, on Wednesday 22 april, 7pm, at Bella Hotel (Riverside Shuttle Stand nearImpala Roundabout)
This event is sponsored by: Midcom, Tanzanian Standart Newspapers (Daily News and HabariLeo), Precision Air, TBC 1 and TBC international, Clouds FM.
Dad: No ways my son, Zandile is your sister, her father was working in JO'BURG so I had a relationship with her Mum and She gave birth to Zandile,but please don't tell your Mum.
Sipho: Okay Dad.
Six months later Sipho had courted another lady called Zingisa.
Sipho: Dad I have Zingisa now and I want to marry her
Dad: Son She is also my daughter, Her father was also working at the Mines so I pregnanted her Mum, please dont tell your Mum again.
Sipho had no other means but to let his Mum know about this
Sipho: Mum I wanted to marry Zandile but Dad told me that She is his child, again I went to Zingisa, again He told me the same story, what is Happening?
Mum: Dont worry my Son, go on with your plans, you can marry whoever between the two.
Sipho: How? I can't Mum coz they are both my sisters.
Mum: You are not his child; He used to sleep out so Dlamini our neighbour is your father.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch.
Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does. But before the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool, anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information.
He tries every button on the instrument, without success. Finally the farmer decides to call the customer hotline.
'Hello, I just bought a milking cow machine from your company, It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?''
'Don't worry sir'', replies the customer service person, ''the machine will release automatically onceit has collected two litres!'
So, how was Easter? Financially draining? Spiritually uplifting? Family/friends/enemies forgive and forget appropriate or just a lousy long break? I was missing the moment when I could come write this next installation...April is running..er, cumming apart rather fast!
So, am asking seriousl, wats your style man!!
Honestly? If you can bend it, you would tell right? IS IT ok to talk about it?! LOL!
Guys will tell ya they hit that!! But will never divulge the nasty Bamboo split technique employed! Why?
Is it because it is demeaning enough to "Dick and Tell" plus the indignation of explaining how we twisted her around? Or is it the opposite! It sounds ridiculous to describe our own acrobatics!!! LOL!! Pathetic! Positions are EVERYTHING during sex mazee!
In Africa, the fascination lies with the woman, how she can roll and sashay her hips ontop, beneath you or however! This is especially so south of the Equator. Notice that the dances in the North and West are all about neck, shoulders and head exressions.
Below the Equator, you get more hands and hip action. The North of Mozambique, Malawi, Zambia and Tanzania zone is notorious for the hip swinging Sindimba Dances! So, I am qualified to continue writing, I am tribally from RIGHT in the middle of the zone!
However, universal academic fascination about sex positions has really been from the Indo-Oriental world. There are numerous links I can make references for you to go oogle. Just type in Kama Sutra and billions of web pages will pop up to sell you ancient secrets. There is no ancient! There is NO secret. Do it NOW lest....
Sex can be mundane! Blame it on marriage or your lack of improvisation. I always tell my most devout of friends that seminarian purity has gat to stop at the bedroom door. Think about it:
*The average man only attempts (and gets stuck into) about 4 sexual position variations in his lifetime!
* The Missionary Position will continue to be the most widely used sexual position by men as they age...need explanation?
Clearly, we need to do better than that! Yes, particularily with the desperate wife! We need to come up with 21 positions! 3 for each day of the week!
You and Her need to have pet names for the 3 Monday episodes, 3 Tuesday escapades, 3 Wednesday shags, 3 Thursday flings, 3 Friday Freaky sessions, 3 Saturday Grooves and 3 Sunday snugs! See how I just flow....if you manage even twice a week sex!
Guys, we tend to forget that 'positions" are not to be assumed by the lady alone! Get wat I mean? We are the ones busy bending her over, twisting, pinning, lifting and limb tangling. It is a perverse one sided confrontation! Have we ever thought about how cool she may find it if we are the ones doing the split and roll, the lightning bolt, the reverse bull thrust and bamboo tying!!!
Please join me in this 'pivotal" revolution!
Don't be ashamed to have your legs lifted high in the air , spread wide as she gently descends her posterior between you...now tell me wats the shame in that...!!!
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
He sent a message for his banker and hislawyer, both church members, to come to his home.When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The preacher grasped theirhands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.
They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed,covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
No Kissing at Train Stations
By some accounts, April 5, 1910 was the day romance died on French railways: Kissing was reportedly banned to help deter lover-induced rail delays. But the law seems to be unheard of today. “Are you sure this isn’t a law in Great Britain?” a French spokeswoman at the consulate asked us. What a coincidence: It turns out that Virgin Trains has recently posted “No Kissing” signs at its station in Warrington Bank Quay, in northwest England.
Penalty: While there’s no penalty now for train-related kissing in France, the folks at Warrington Bank Quay will politely ask you to move your smooching to the designated “kissing zone” near the car park!
Excellent story. The type I like to read.
Hello guys, hope the joke above tickles your balls! Perfect for this particular topic during this special month of April! Yes, I am writing about kissing techniques!
It is a fact that a spontaneous first kiss races the heart from the regular 80bpm to over 120bmp! Quite exhilarating!! Unfortunately as time and familiarity wash in, the first time rush dissipates! However, it is vitally crucial to ensure that the kiss remains the sole surviving intimate act in (y)our lives.
Sex can go stale! We all start out wanting more of it. In maturity we discover that the action is almost routine if not spiced up! Therefore, I am proposing that every man, irrespective of belief,creed, motto or party, should arm himself well with the intimate artifacts that spark and ignite a stagnating relationship.
This is OUR problems fellas. Let us face it. We are endowed with a tool that is screwing the world! Fine, having a garage with a single spanner is not gon fix much! We need to put to good use the many other physical assets we have at our disposal! This makes me laugh just writing it, I vote for the THE TONGUE!
If you have never considered how important your tongue is, now is the time! I bet if I did a poll with women who check into this blog, they Will give the following percentage assessment of essential male body parts:
Fingers: 5%- This low quotient is a whole topic in itself!
What, it doesn't add up? Exactly, the tongue is that important, pushing it's importance to over 120%!! The tongue is a cool muscle. It is the busiest too daily! It is dexterous. it is a muscle that we can consciously control (if we would've done the same with Jack! Phew!!). It rarely tires! It is naturally lubricating!!!
The lips are important during kissing as they have sensitive nerve ends that respond to texture, warmth and cold. Mixed in with the mushy application of a French Kiss, the effect is an instant arousal by both sexes!
The kissing practise on the mirror is not helpful! It takes the meeting of female and male lips and tongues to merge to really understand what kissing is all about! However, kissing may be the most complex and difficult to learn intimate technique! It is never the same each day. There is so much to do, so many ways of doing it. It is no surprise that most of us tone it down to a simple peck on the mouth or cheek. Nooooooo! Here is my personal quote:
"When showers of kisses cease, the draught that kills love is upon you"
There are hygiene issues as well. From the sanitary brushing of teeth to cigarette or alcohol tainted mouths! These for both sexes are a sure turn off. So, some habits may deny us one of the most intuitive acts of intimate expression by the species!
Yes, I realize that traditionally, kissing is not at all African. However, in modern relationships, it has become the norm! So, quit blaming those rudimentary mouth and tongue-twisting skills of yours on your Yao ancestors!
I have a lot to write, in fact, I know some of you may want some tips and pointers. But the point of a blog is to share info. So all sexes are welcome to comment on dos and do n0ts! I have some here:
* Don't get stuck into a routine, she knows you are gonna start with the ear nibbling first!!
* In your efforts to hide bad breath, she may not enjoy the tangy taste of your mint toothpaste!
* Er, start at the top FIRST, going down and coming up is offensive to some....
* Maybe most importantly, learn and be slow and patient. Tv does not suffice to get you a Masters in Kissing, those who try too hard make it hard!!
*Keep your mind on the action...when it is time to take off her knickers, you should not be kissing as well...written from experience!
* If she is breathing hard, is hot and bothered, you are straining your zipper, stop at just the kiss, it doesn't mean she wants Jack and no, you are not coming in!
* Do it in public. It asserts she is yours for keeps! You territorial bastard!
* The technique is very different as in how you work the mouth lips and those known as the Labia....
That's why we have a whole month dedicated to these issues!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2
months and 8 days to live.' Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance!!!!
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?'
God replied: 'I didn't recognize you.'
THE MORAL OF THE STORY?
Men are visual creatures. We may not be handsome ourselves but we reverse the mirror and have gat to appreciate curves!! A wide variety of curves actually. Which is weird. Worldwide, there is no commonality amongst men regarding the looks we go for.
Trust me it has nothing to do with environment or upbringing. A men born amongst fat sisters will not be uniquely smitten by the plump ones! Nor will there be a propensity towards the slim gals. Advertised stereotypes may be a cause...I don know, what do you think?
I have heard that in Mauritania, men love their women plump and chubby. Girls are force fed camel milk from pre-teen years making them chunky wives who later squander the family earnings treating high blood pressure and associated obesity illnesses!
Anyway, back to the topic. One of the most debated hangout topics amongst men in Tz is 'which" figure is the best? The Miss Tanzania Happy Magese ( portable it is called) or the Wema Sepetu lusciousness! To prove it, not many men complained about her weight! She was just FINE! But is that to say that the bootylicious chicks get props? Nah, I notice an almost 50/50 split in general preference!
The moral of the story to our women out there is that figures matter! You need to calculate the calorie in/out-take. Know (anticipate and watch out for over time) what your man wants or else he will graze in more slender fields or on fat hay-stacks! Strangely, most of our urban women have no culture of keeping fit. The skinny ones become weaker while the plump ones just blow up!
This may be taken with a light heart but in retrospect this advisory describes persistent relationship disharmony in our modern societies! You may quickly say, hey, half the guys in Tz are half pregnant with pot-bellies anyway!! Unfair to judge! Well, remember the words I started this entry!
It is a struggle, but attempt to stay in shape. Physique is an important and primary male sex drive. To steer it, keep it on track! Besides, exercise makes the act even more magical!
To all the ladies out there who feel you are loosing out to another cause your man is figure chasing, let me know how you feel!
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Well, truth to tell is, if you wish to go out alone, say what and how you feel and mean it with good intentions. You need to accept that "what you do may be done unto you!" So if you wanna go hang out alone, check to see if that is ok with her (early!) and "talk" about it. I must add that if she never hangs out alone, ask yourself why, try to see if she can and with whom?
Experiences in life are sometimes shared apart. Responsibly! If ur gon be grabn ass while out there, consider whether it would b ok with u if she playfully slapped mine!?
he moral of the story as in the cartoon above: Get to know women! Have patience.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Saturday Night Fever, on Level 8, Kilimanjaro Hotel Kempinski.