MANAGEMENT NOTICE....

HIP HOP LOUNGE NAI STYLEE!

HIP-HOP LOUNGE (An evening of pure hip-hop, dinner and style) @ SECRETS LOUNGE
View Park Towers (Opposite Alliance Francaise), Nairobi
Saturday, May 30th, 2009, 8pm
Entry: 300/-

MISS UNIVERSE 30th May- Saturday in Dar!

FROM DAR EVENTS: Miss Universe Tanzania 2009 after party @ Level 8, Kilimanjaro Hotel , Kempinski
(this Saturday)

ALI KIBA IN THE CITY OF ANGELS!!

DAR ALIVE 28th THURSDAY- 8PM

The Third Man Jazz Trio in concert :

3 musicians:

Han Bennink (Netherlands, snare drum),Michael Moore (USA, clarinets & saxophones) and Will Holshouser(USA, accordion).

Playing in between Jazz and improvised Music - The Third Man trio opens a world of surprise and humour.

Drummer Han Bennink (awarded with the European Jazz Prize 2008) plays on whatever he finds around and there is nothing he cannot turn into a drum.

For Third Man Trio, playing a concert is a performance and most importantly - great fun !

JOKEs OF THE MONTH!

Click to enlarge...

MONTH END DISTRESSER-EYE-CANDY...

As you look out into the blue yonder, assessing the past 5 months of this economically downtrodden world...you can't help butt imagine things may go lower yet...?

BREAKUP MESS...

DAH!

GIVE CREDIT WHERE DUE...

E-buyers!!

LIMBWATA

When a man is totally immersed in his family, it is often said he has been fed the powerful Aphrodisiac called Limbwata!

Consider the following LIMBWATA facts by an expert.

A) If LIMBWATA is to allow your wife to be a partner and equal participant in formulating the family budget, then I support it, becoz women are wiser spenders than men.

B) If LIMBWATA means that the family money is used by Mama Watoto to purchase stuff at Kariakoo rather than being drunk by the husband atRIVERSIDE or GAZA ONE then I support that men are affected by LIMBWATAz

C) If a LIMBWATAz husband is the one who won't spend ALL the monthly salary with NYUMBA NDOGO or at KITIMOTO Bar (while his KIDS starve) then YEAH to all LIMBWATAz husbands.

E) If LIMBWATA means that a MUME spends quality time with his MKE and WATOTO, instead of engaging in dubious investments where he is CONNED then; "Feed the people LIMBWATA forever".

F) If LIMBWATA means that when MKEO is SICK you help her with work,that when she is over burdened you extend a helping hand then LONG LIVE LIMBWATAz.

G) If LIMBWATA means that you DON'T BEAT UP your wife, that you seek assistance from your wife for they are called helpers when you have tried all the altanertives in vain, then LIMBWATAz LIVE FOR LIFE!

H) If LIMBWATA means that you treat your wife as a human being, that you are polite, don't bark at her like a dog, DONT growl at her like a hyena, consider that after work she is as stressed as you are then VIVA LIMBWATAz.

I) If LIMBWATA means that you are at home after work, and that your wife and kids are your next of KIN then HIP HIP HURRAY TO ALL LIMBWATA FEEDERS!

Yo, bro, if the above applies to you, bravo! You are the Limbwata Star! Tell your WIFE to add More LIMBWATAZ. If you have not had a taste, seeek it out!

To you, my Sis who has fed your man LIMBWATAZ, congrats, however, do not run off after feeding him the stuff!! Let me tell you, there are some Bros who feed their women Limbwata then disappear, I tell you, the torture thereafter is worse than the fires of Hell!

ALLIANCE FRANCAISE PRESS RELEASE

PRESS RELEASE

ALLIANCE FRANCAISE and THE FRENCH EMBASSY PRESENT THE LATITUDZ (from FRANCE & MALAWI) in
concert in Dar es Salaam:

The Band is on tour in the French Cultural network in Africa.

A young & innovative rap-rock band from France and Malawi, The LATITUDZ, is on an
international tour in Africa. On stage, an amazing fusion between rap, rock and hip hop,
“hip hop ‘n roll”, is displayed by the 4 musicians, using powerful bass, drum and guitar,
accompanied by samples and English vocals.
The 4 members of the band met in July 2004 and started to play an improvised set in the west
coast of France. The first official set under the name “THE LATITUDZ” came in October 2005
when the band played as opening act of “Bams” and “Spleen”. The band found its own identity
later on: as a mix of English rap vocal and instrumental hip hop with a groovy rhythm and
rock influences.
In 2007, THE LATITUDZ released their first album, A Will, A Drill and a Goldmine.

KG SON & TASUBA, Tanzanian hip hop bands, will appear as opening acts for the Latitudz in
partnership with Music Crossroads.

Venue: Russian Tanzanian Cultural Centre
Date:    SATURDAY, 23 MAY
Time:    8pm– 11pm
Opening act : KG SON & TASUBA, from Tanzania
Entrance: 5000 Tsh / 1000 Tsh (Students)


WORKSHOP:
As part of Alliance Française policy of cultural dialogue, a workshop including confirmed
musicians and emerging talents will be organized on Monday 25 May, from 10am to 1pm, and
from 3pm to 6pm.
The LATITUDZ musicians will have a unique opportunity to merge their skills with their
Tanzanian counterparts. They will certainly find new inspiration from the rich Tanzanian
rhythms and melodies. A recording session will round up the workshop. No doubt that the
results will be amazing songs made of cultural mix with new dimensions: urban, traditional,
hip hop, rock, English and French inspired lyrics. Hip hop stars as Fid Q, Professor Jay and
the famous Mwasiti are expected to participate.


More info:      21 31 406 / 0755  481 374
cultural@afdar.com / www.ambafrance-tz.org <http://www.ambafrance-tz.org/>

ALLIANCE FRANÇAISE
Your French Language and Cultural Centre in Dar es Salaam
French courses, Resource centre, Films, Exhibitions, Concerts, Shows.
Ali Hassan Mwinyi Road (car park behind Las Vegas Casino)
Office opening hours: Mon-Fri: 9am-1pm / 2pm-6pm / Sat: 10am-5.30pm

This event is sponsored by : MIDCOM, PALM BEACH HOTEL, PRECISION AIR, TANZANIAN STANDART
NEWSPAPERS (DAILY NEWS& HABARI LEO), EAST AFRICAN RADIO & TV.

MY, MY, MAY EYE-CANDY!!!

Angel Whaaat? Fershegenet!

DAR EVENTS THIS WEEKEND

1) Salsa party with the Mark Band & guest Cuban singer @ Little Theatre (this Saturday)

2) Ally Rehmtullah's Delectables, fashion show after party @ Level 8, Kilimanjaro Hotel , Kempinski (this Saturday)

Dear Salseros,

 

On Saturday 23rd of May 2009 we will be having our second Salsa Party. Please see the poster attached.

 

Entrance is only TZS. 5000, so bring lots of friends!

 

Band: The Mark Band with a guest Cuban Singer

 

Venue: The Little Theatre

 

Time: 9pm till Late

 

Drinks Price List:

 

Soft Drinks: TZS.500

 

Whiskey per tot: TZS.2000

 

Beer: TZS. 1500

 

Please forward the poster on.

 

See you Saturday!

 

Regards,

 

SALSA IN DAR

Committee

Cel4ne: +255 713 29 53 15 

TANZANIAN HUSBANDS...

IS IT TRUE? JE, NI KWELI?

 

TANZANIAN HUSBANDS  ndivyo walivyo?
 
WATANGA

Has one Wife 
Has one girlfriend 
But he loves his wife the most. 
 
The CHAGAA 
Has one wife 
Has one girlfriend 
But he loves his girlfriend the most. 

The NGONI 
Has one wife 
Has one girlfriend 
But he loves the house maid the most. 

The SUKUMA 
Has two wives 
Has two girlfriends 
He loves the wives sisters the most. 

COASTERIAN/ZANZIBARIAN 
Has 4 wives 
Has 0 girlfriends 
He loves the house boy the most. 
 
The JALUO 
Has 4 wives 
Has 4 girlfriends 
He loves his neighbours wife the most. 
 
The NYAMWEZI 
Has one, two three wives 
Has several girlfriends 
He loves the barmaid the most. 

THE KURYA 
One wife 
Many girl friends 
He will beat all of them 
 
THE MASAI 
Two wives 
One girl friend 
He loves his cows the most 

THE SOMALI'S  
Four wives 
No girl friend 

Ho loves miraa most

 

Heee!

Please add on the Yao, Hehe, Muha, Haya, Pare, Mang'ati, Gogo, Nyaturu, Pogoro, Ndengereko, Kwavi, Digo etc...
 

MY FRIEND SUGGESTS FOR MY NEXT VACATION....PANAMA...

Eti, specifically during Cricket High Season...Mmmmh, let me talk to HR right away!

FOLKS JOKE..

While visiting England , Mr. Mrema the Chairman of TLP was invited to have tea with the Queen. He asked her what her leadership philosophy. She said that it is to be surrounded with intelligent people. He asked how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," said the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate." She phoned Tony Blair, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responded, "It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," said the Queen. She hangs up and said, "Did you get that, Mr. Eliatonga?" "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Upon returning to DAR, he decided he'd better put the minister of infrastructure by then Mr. Mramba to the test. He invited Mr. Mramba. "Heh brother, I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Why, of course. What's on your mind?" "Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Mramba hems and haws and finally asked, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Mrema agreed, and Mramba left. He immediately called a meeting of other senior opposition parties and they puzzled over the question for several hours, but nobody could come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Mramba called Magufuli, the former minister of his ministry, and explained his problem. "Now look here Magufuli, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Magufuli answered immediately, "Simple, It's me, of course. Much relieved, Mramba rushed back to Mrema and exclaims, "I know the answer! I know who it is! It's Magufuli, the former minister of my ministry!!!!!!" And Mrema replied in disgust, "PUMBAFU mkubwa wewe, ovyo kabisa, it’s Tony Blair!!" NOTE: THIS IS FOLK SATIRE, NOT MEANT TO PERSONALLY DEMEAN OR RIDICULE.

THIS SATURDAY, DELECTABLE STYLES BY REMTULLAH

I am told reliably that this show will be GROUND BREAKING! Miss it and my Umodo blog will NOT be able to amply display/explain the full effect! So, let's get out there and taste the next level in modelling! Trust me!!!

WORKING LATE....

BEACH BUMMER!

BOOBY T...OUCH!

THE CASE OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN....

ACTUAL  AUSTRALIAN COURT   DOCKET   12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.  She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.   The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained  to the driver and he had the man arrested.   The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honour, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.  Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,  ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling' and I had to smile.  Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,  'William's Big Stick Did the Trick' and I could hardly contain myself.   But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said,  'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'....... I just lost it.'!!!  'CASE DISMISSED!!'  Now keep that smile on your face and tell someone about this blog!

MISCOMMUNICATION

A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF MISCOMMUNICATION!

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news:
" I'm a   month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure,  we can't tell   anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last
bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do   YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, ! it's in our   files!" says the man from the electric company.
"What are you saying? It's   in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."  

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a  bull, rushes to the electric company offices the   first thing the next morning.  

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the
husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

"WWWHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?????

MAN AND WOMAN AT ATM

Men vs Women at the Drive Through ATM Machine.
This doesn't shed a good light on women, but is nevertheless entertaining...

---

HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, receipt, and card
5. Leave

HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because she's too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12a. Hit "cancel"
12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check makeup
26. Start pulling away
27. STOP
28. Back up to machine
29. Get out of car
30. Take card and receipt
31. Get back in car
32. Put card in wallet
33. Put receipt in checkbook
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook
36. Check makeup
37. Put car in gear, reverse
38. Put car in drive
39. Drive away from machine
40. Travel 3 miles
41. Release parking brake

ELEMENTS

Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

---

Element Name: MAN

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged periods of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. 

DIPLOMATIC INCIDENT

    

A few days ago, Japanese Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama... 

The instructor told the Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'how r u'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'.    Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.' 

It looks quite simple, but the truth is... 

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'who r u?' (Instead of 'How r u?'.) 

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 

'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...' 

Then Mori replied 'me too, ha-ha.. .'. 

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.