Saturday, April 17, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
TELL TALE WIFE
A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 60 in a 40 zone."
"No sir, I was going 50."
Wife: "Oh, Bob. You were going 70." (The man glares at his wife.)
Officer: "You also have a broken brake light."
Man: "Broken brake light? I didn't know about a broken brake light!"
Wife: "Oh Bob, you've known about that bulb for weeks." (The man gives his wife another stern look.)
Officer: "Sir, I see you're also not wearing your seatbelt."
Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Bob, you never wear your seatbelt."
The man turns to his wife and yells, "WILL YOU BE QUIET!"
The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."
Officer: "You were going at least 60 in a 40 zone."
"No sir, I was going 50."
Wife: "Oh, Bob. You were going 70." (The man glares at his wife.)
Officer: "You also have a broken brake light."
Man: "Broken brake light? I didn't know about a broken brake light!"
Wife: "Oh Bob, you've known about that bulb for weeks." (The man gives his wife another stern look.)
Officer: "Sir, I see you're also not wearing your seatbelt."
Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Bob, you never wear your seatbelt."
The man turns to his wife and yells, "WILL YOU BE QUIET!"
The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."
CRASH AND WINE
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt...
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign!"
The woman continues, "and look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely we should drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "
Friday, April 9, 2010
BEDROOM DEMOCRACY
Young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of times that they will have to make love for the
rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper,
"Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending
requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad
at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me
know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.
I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to
make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."
rest of their marriage.
While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of paper,
"Honey, you know I love you, but your never ending
requests for sex are leaving me drained and really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on days that start with the letter 'T', to minimize the frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad
at me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and let me
know if my request is too demanding of you."
On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door, hoping that her sex craved husband will be understanding and accepting of her proposal when he reads it.
Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator and notices that her note has been replaced with a note from her husband that reads, "Baby, I didn't' realize that I was putting you under so much pressure and I'm sorry.
I accept your proposal and have even taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to
make sure that we are on the same page.
1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW
P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I am waiting for you upstairs."
ITCHY B( )LLS!!
Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Mick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Mick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Mick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Mick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Mick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Mick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Mick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Mick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Mick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Mick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Mick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Mick.
The moral of the story............
Pay your bills!!!
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Mick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Mick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Mick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Mick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Mick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Mick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Mick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Mick.
The moral of the story............
Pay your bills!!!
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Tuesday, April 6, 2010
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